please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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