I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
