I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
