I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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