2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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