Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
