Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
