the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
