I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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