My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
