come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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