I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
