What did we do last night that was yellow?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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