I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
