they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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