why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
