You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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