Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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