you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
