I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
