he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
