She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
