well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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