She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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