I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
