shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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