About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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