I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
