My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
