Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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