Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
