The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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