Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
