We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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