I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
