I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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