Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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