I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
