and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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