If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
