apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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