I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
