Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
