She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize