wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
