Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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