just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
