Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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