Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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