Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
