ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
