went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
