Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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