i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
