is wine microwaveable?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
