Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
