did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
