It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
