haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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