If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
