im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
